WT 148: Keeping The Spark Alive
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After being married for a while, it's easy to get stuck in a rut. Especially in the busy years between having kids and becoming empty nesters, it’s easy for our weeks to become a blur of dividing kid duties. This week on Wire Talk, Sunny and Karen talk about getting creative for date night, how to find great babysitters and why we should even bother!
Question 1: Karen I’m 9 years into marriage with 2 little kids and it’s all I can do most days to stay awake through the kids bedtime...and confession, sometimes I fall asleep next to my toddler. How did you find the energy to connect with your husband at the end of a long day with littles? And I know sex is one way...but other than sex? Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Karen’s Answer: Listen, I get it, Greg and I feel like we are back in those days because we have three little ones in the house and the bottom line is you are TIRED! Here are my thoughts: Sex is good,but try having sex at different times not just at night. Shake it up a bit. ☺ Maybe morning, during nap time on the weekends, etc. Other ways to connect: Write little notes and leave them for your husband to find. Greg will put little notes in my sock draw, in a shoe, under my pillow before he leave on a trip, etc. These are not super long letters but just a little note like “I love you”, “You are the BEST”, etc. Get a sitter! At least once a month, it is worth the time, effort and money. Realize this is just a season, I promise it will end!
Question 2: What are your suggestions for date nights that don’t break the bank? By the time we pay for a sitter we are already broke!
Karen’s Answer: I get it! Try swapping out with friends. We did that a lot when our children were little and we didn’t have any money. Go grab coffee and walk through Target or Home Depot or your favorite store. Put the kids to bed early, light some candles and have a picnic on the floor of your bedroom, have a jar that has conversation starters and pull five questions each or have an adult dinner. Take a walk on your local greenway, go biking, go sit at the lake or ocean and just enjoy nature!
Question 3: I am really hesitant to leave our kids with a sitter - we don’t have family nearby who can watch our kids either. Did you ever struggle with this fear/anxiety? I would love to get more one on one time with my husband.
Karen’s Answer: I didn’t struggle with fear/anxiety with a sitter, probably because I was so desperate to get away from the kids. ☺ But, seriously, I didn’t leave my children with just anyone, I got to know the sitters before they ever watched my kids. Maybe invite a perspective sitter to your house and let her play with the children while you are in the home. Once you feel more comfortable just take a short date then work your way up to a longer date. Trust God, that ultimately, He has your children. He will give you discernment. Living your life in fear/anxiety isn’t good for you.
Question 4: How do you get over the things about your spouse that just bug you/are really unsexy? 14 years into marriage my husband isn’t the hot, sexy thing I used to think he was. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s the honest truth. I want to be attracted to him and to find that spark that we used to have, any help is greatly appreciated!
Karen’s Answer: I get it, but I tell myself I don’t look like I did when we first married either. ☺ Also, focus on the attributes you do love about him. In the 32 years I’ve been married, I’ve fallen more in love with Greg than the first year. I love how Greg is a wonderful father, supportive husband, how he cares for me and takes care of our family, etc. These attributes make me love him more and in turn I’m attracted to him. I try not to focus on the negative, but the positive, and pray Greg does the same for me. Workout together and get in shape! ☺ Your attitude and thoughts are the deal breaker here. Set your mind in the morning and throughout your day.