WT 287: Finding Consequences That WORK
Disciplining children is both a science and an art. What works at one age doesn’t work at a different age and just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, they throw something new at your and you’re back to square one. Today we are talking about disciplining lying, how to handle a child who runs from confrontation, and bickering siblings. As Karen reminds us in this episode, children learn through repetition (and so do we!) so join us today and learn a few nuggets to help you out next time you’re stuck with a discipline issue.
Don't forget to grab a copy of Karen's Prayer Journal while they're in stock!
Question 1: How do you teach a child to “own” their mistakes? My daughter will hide her face, shrink herself as best she can to “hide” from facing whatever mistake we are telling her about (we do not need to be angry for her to hide from our words) it’s influencing her younger brother to do the same thing! How do you teach them to react differently? Instead of hiding from the mistake, face it head on and be more like “ok, I’ll fix that,” without it being made into a big deal.
Karen’s Answer: You have to coach your daughter through the situation. You pull beside and say, “Honey, this is not a big deal. We all make mistakes and do things wrong sometimes. Mommy is not mad at you, but it is important that you tell me what you did. You are not in trouble. Now, look at me and tell me what you did.” When she tells you what she did, say “Thank you for telling mommy that you broke your toy. I appreciate you telling me. It is okay, let me see if I can fix it.” Give her a big hug and let her know you are proud of her for telling you, and you love her very much.” It will be a long process, but it is worth the time invested. Same thing with your son. Coach her through each situation.
Question 2: I am looking for some ideas of consequences for lying? There are times where a consequence is obvious and related to whatever the issue is, but what are some of your ideas on what you do for little lies that don’t seem a big deal (but I know that they are). Do you just take away a privilege, even though it may be unrelated to what we the kid is lying about? Thank you!! My kids are 6, 5, and 1, and are Red/Yellow, Green/Blue, and Yellow/Red respectively. And this question is geared mainly at the older two at this point as the toddler is obviously not at that stage yet.
Karen’s Answer: Yes, I would take away privileges or whatever to drive the point home that it is never okay to lie. We used to also tell our children, even when you tell a little white lie, it is still a lie, and every time you do that and don’t feel the consequences then your heart is hardened a little more to it. So, we will punish you every time because we love you so much. I really had zero tolerance for lies. Stay on it and don’t give up.
Question 3: My 7yr old boy (a high yellow with a splash of red, if it matters) has always struggled with focus/getting distracted. He has been tested twice for ADHD, and it’s negative. All doctors conclude that he is just a rambunctious boy. We have a teacher who is getting frustrated with my son’s inability to focus (it’s extra frustrating bc he is gifted academically but his lack of focus holds him back). I was thinking that waking him up early to go running before school might help to release some energy to help focus. What do you think? I’d love some wisdom!
Karen’s Answer: You can try it. I would ask your pediatrician if there is a supplement that he can take to help him focus. I know when Abby was in college she took these Focus Gummies by Olly To help her focus. They seemed to help. I’m not talking about prescription grade just over the counter stuff. It might be worth a shot. No sugar for him for sure. Talk to your pediatrician.
Question 4: We are struggling with tattling and arguments at my house and I have about lost my mind. I have a 6 year old girl and an almost 9 year old boy. My girl will get offended about almost anything and isn’t afraid to let everyone know about it. While my little boy feels he must be in charge as much as possible and is certain he knows everything. I am open to suggestions! I realize that this may be a problem that will take time and a whole lot of Jesus, but I feel like I’m not getting through to my kids. Any ideas?
Karen’s Answer: Well, it’s an attention thing and also, “I want to be in charge of my sibling thing”. So, what I did was I told my children, unless there is blood or a broken bone, I don’t want to hear it. If I get involved you are BOTH getting in trouble. At ages 6 and 9 their trouble could be extra chores, no screens, etc. Let your 6 year old know that no one likes a tattle tale and let your 9 year old know that you are the mom and you can handle parenting the sister. If you need any help you will ask him, but until that happens he needs to mind his own business. ;)
If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also find on us on Instagram and Facebook, so follow us over there and send questions our way on social media as well.
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.