WT 289: Liar, Liar!
Lying wreaks havoc on family relationships, whether your child is a toddler or a tween. Today Karen shares her thoughts on disciplining a habitual liar and reminds us of the importance of dealing with lying early and consistently, so our children's hearts do not get hardened to this sin.
Want to hear more about disciplining lying? Check out this episode:
Question 1: Hi! I’ve already listened to your other podcasts on lying, but I’m not sure exactly what the consequences should be for a 5 year old that has recently started lying. I have tried to talk to him about it, and take his favorite things away but I’m not sure it’s really driving home for him. Thank you!
Karen’s Answer: I think you have to figure out what is the worst thing your son hates, and then let that be his punishment. You want to try and nip the lying in the bud and the way you do that is make the punishment worse than getting caught with the lie. For instance, Emily, my daughter would lie to me. She HATED spankings. Truly she would do anything rather than to get a spanking. So, that was her punishment for lying. It only took 1-2 spankings before she caught on that is was more painful for her to lie than to just tell me the truth. Your son may not care about spanking, but he loves to go outside. Then, his punishment should be to sit inside with you and not go outside to play with his friends. Also, don’t let any little lie go. Tell him, “I know you are not telling me the truth and until you tell me the truth I can’t trust you, which means you don’t get as many privileges.”
Question 2: Any suggestions for 12 year old girl being sneaky and lying? Recently we have had issues multiple times with her sneaking the tablet or phone, hiding it and lying about it. We don’t use phones/tablets on a regular basis at home. (The kids don’t. The adults have phones but try to practice being off of them as much as possible) we do however have them and let the kids use them on long trips for vacation or if I have a dr apt and have to take all three kids etc. but it’s not often. It’s not just electronics that she is dishonest about though. I want to help her change this behavior. She doesn’t seem to see a problem with her being sneaky, lying or breaking the rules.
Karen’s Answer: In my opinion ,you need to make her punishment severe enough to where she feels the consequences of her actions. You can have her do extra chores, take away her friend time, or screen time all together. I would also let her know that it is very important that she tells the truth because that is what helps you trust her. I would just say, “If you don’t tell me the truth now, then when you get older it will be hard for me to trust you with bigger things like driving.” Start turning up the heat a little more on her punishments.
Question 3: My daughter is a yellow (age 30), I am a red. I recently confronted her about an issue she has with lying. She told me it’s because she is a yellow personality. I have been trying to figure that out but don’t see anything to support that. Is this just one more lie of hers?
Karen’s Answer: Well, that is an exaggeration that yellows lie, BUT yellows do exaggerate. :) I would tell her that you are starting not to trust everything she says and our “word” is all we have sometimes. She is using her yellow to be her excuse, which is a yellow trait, but I think it’s good you are not allowing her to get away with it. You can’t change her of course, she is 30, but you can let her know that you don’t always trust what she says. Only she can change her behavior. I would also emphasize that regardless of your temperament or color, lying is never okay. As Christians we should be the most honest people walking the planet.
Question 4: We have 4 kids (10 down to 3), and currently our two oldest are having some serious integrity issues. They will lie about homework, bringing items home, or cleaning up properly. We have taken away privileges but that helps for a day and then back to the lying.
Karen’s Answer: For me, lying deserves a pretty harsh punishment because if you lie, then you cannot be trusted and every relationship has to have trust. So, I would up the punishment and make it more severe. I didn’t mess around with lying, and I had one that lied. But, make it hurt. :) Hope that helps!
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