WT 006: Am I Making the Right Decisions for My Newborn?
This week is a question that every mom can relate to: Am I Making the Right Decisions for My Newborn?
Whether you’re a new mom who needs some equipping, or a seasoned mom who offers encouragement her new-to-motherhood friends… we’ve all had those moments where we say “I wish my child came with a manual!”
Question 1: “How do I deal with the feeling of boredom or monotony with my infant? I feel guilty that I'm not stimulating her correctly.”
Karen’s Answer: I remember those days! Honestly, I was like, “Is this it?” But, what infants need is love. They need to be fed, changed and learn the difference from night and day, and if you can do those things for the first few months you are doing great!
The infant stage was a hard stage for me. First off, you are not sleeping, the baby doesn’t really “give” you anything in return, and it is very draining. But, it’s a sweet age. I think it took me to about child three before I fully enjoyed and embraced the infant stage. I think the best thing to do is just relax and enjoy it, and try not to get so stressed out.
There is a fantastic ministry called Moms On Call. They are a group of nurses who help moms with newborns and teach them how to get your child on a schedule, what the babies need, etc. I think that would be a great resource for moms of newborns.
Question 2: “How do I overcome the fear of leaving my baby with anyone other than family?”
Karen’s Answer: It is hard trusting anyone with your child. I didn't live near family, so I always started in the church. I’d ask friends that had older children who were the teenage girls that were good with kids. At first invite the teen over to your house and get to know them and see how they handle themselves around your child.
I was hesitant the first time I left my oldest with a sitter, but I had a neighbor who I trusted, and she had four children—and the oldest daughter was babysitting age when I had my first child, Kelsey. So, my neighbor told me she would come over with her daughter and teach her the ropes. I also started off with short times away from the house. I didn’t leave Kelsey for four hours on the first day, only for an hour and a half. I built up my confidence in my sitter, and it ended up being a great situation.
I can be so hard, but you have to be brave and just go for a coffee run or somewhere else close by. Work your way up to dinner out with your husband, then get real crazy and do dinner and a movie.
Question 3: “Is it normal to have little desire for sex with my husband during the newborn phase? I have a great, healthy and loving relationship with my husband, but I am lacking energy and passion for intimacy”
Karen's Answer: That is very normal. First off, your hormones are all out of whack. Second, you feel like a human cow. And third, you just had a baby, so your body is not usually in the best shape and it can be hard to feel as confident in your appearance as you did pre-pregnancy.
One thing that helped for me—after the recommended six weeks— was to have my husband put the baby to sleep while I did things that made me feel like my old self… a bath, candles, music. The girl you were before the hormones is still in there, you just have to find her. Then as time went on, I got back my energy and passion.
If you are between six and nine months postpartum and you are still feeling that way, I would ask your Doctor to check your hormones. Hormones are very powerful and can affect so many different aspects of our bodies and lives.
Give yourself some grace and time. There are other parts of your marriage where you can bond and grow with your husband and deepen your relationship.
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. If you want to have weekly encouragement emailed to you, sign up for free weekly tips of motherhood here.
Thank you moms, have a great day!