WT 150: To Grow or Not To Grow?
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For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
How do you know when your family is complete? On today's episode of Wire Talk Karen and Sunny answer questions about family planning, infertility, and what it looks like to seek God in prayer when it comes to His plans for your future family.
Question 1: How did you know when you were “done” having kids? Was it clear cut for you? Everyone I ask says they just knew. We have three kids (ages 11, 9 and 5) but I just don’t know and I’m not getting any younger...
Karen’s Answer: I guess everyone is different, but for me, I knew Abby was my last. I was on the fence with Taylor, but for #4, I knew that was it. I would pray about it, and ask God to give you wisdom. If your husband has a strong opinion, talk with him about the “why” behind his opinion. Pray!
Question 2: My husband wants another baby (we have two right now, a boy and a girl) but I feel totally maxed out - like I’m at capacity and I’m happy with our family. How can we get past this impasse?
Karen’s Answer: Pray. Ask your husband why he feels so strongly about #3 and LISTEN to what he says. Greg felt strongly about #4, and I have to say I’m so glad he talked me into it. I love Abby and what she brings to our family. You will never regret choosing to have a baby – or at least I don’t think you will. Tell your husband that you are maxed out. We decided to wait an extra year to give me some breathing room, and that helped. Ask your husband how he will help out around the house if you go for #3. Talk about it, pray about it, and listen to see what God says.
Question 3: I struggled coming to terms with being a mom and didn't enjoy the first 2 years of it. I really really struggled! My son turns 3 on Monday. I'm an only child, my husband's sister won't be having any kiddos so I feel almost an obligation to give my son a sibling. We have no family support in the country and even thinking about trying for another baby is really stressful and overwhelming to me. How do I let go of these feelings and trust God will take care of me and make this a better experience this time around? How do I love another baby if this is God's plan for me? Thank you Karen!
Karen’s Answer: First things first, having a second child is a big decision. I would talk it over with your husband and pray about it with your husband too. If you do have baby #2, I guarantee you will love the second baby as much as the first. I always wondered how I would love the second child like the first, but someway baby #2 has a way of making their way in your heart. I will say, that it may have taken you years to come to terms with being a mom, but good news, you did come to terms and the hard work is already done! Secondly, I’m a big believer that God will provide support, even if your family is not in the same country. God provided me with great friends when my children were little and I lived 10 hours away from family. Friends can be a great support, sometimes better than family. Don’t allow fear to make your decision either way. You don’t need to fear your child won’t have a companion, and you don’t need to fear that you won’t be a good mom. God will take care of you either way.
Question 4: We weren’t able to get pregnant on our own, so our first child (a daughter - just turned one!) was born via in-vitro fertilization after years of trying. I just went through another round of treatment to get pregnant again and we lost that sweet child (a boy) just a few weeks ago to a miscarriage. It was devastating on so many levels. Financially. Emotionally. I’ve been really struggling with doubt about if kids were ever supposed to be a part of our family’s story. Any thoughts on how to wade through these feelings?
Karen’s Answer: I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet little boy. How to wade through these intense feelings? Allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself some time. In my humble opinion, if children weren’t supposed to be part of your family’s story, then God would not have allowed it to happen. He is still in control, even with in-vitro. One stage of grief is Bargaining, running through the “if-only” part of the loss. That is okay. My advice is to think about going to a grief counselor to help process these feelings and emotions. Once you do, keep enjoying that sweet little girl God blessed you with! ☺ Don’t stop the process, keep pushing through even when it’s hard, you will be glad you did.