WT 222: What Can I Do To Discipline My Toddler's Defiance?
Disciplining a toddler is no joke. As moms, we want our discipline to work the first time and every time, but as Karen reminds us, toddlers take time. If you need some encouragement to stay the course with your toddler, tune in today and take heart!
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Question 1: I need some help...I have tried lots of ways to have my 4y son listen to me. But I’m running out of options. I have tried time away, no toys, no tv and even spanking...but that still only works for one or two times. For example, I ask him to come inside and he starts asking questions...mind you we have landlords living upstairs and they are around and watching when I’m asking my son to come inside. I know he just wants to play with their daughter but if mommy is asking he should be listening. It gets to the point where he runs, or says no in front of people. ...and I feel embarrassed! He’s a red/blue temperament. Any resources? Any suggestions? I appreciate the help!
Karen’s Answer: Okay, here is some good news for you! You say when you discipline him, it works one or two times. GREAT JOB!!! Celebrate that, and keep doing that. He is 4, so his attention span is short, so the more consistent you can be the better it is for him to learn. Until he “gets it” here are some additional ideas:
Before he goes out to play with his friend, remind him what your expectations are. Ex: When I call you to come home, if you don’t obey this will be your punishment. When I call you inside, if you tell me no, you are going to be punished as soon as you walk into the house. Give him the time line, “Hey son, I’m going to let you go play for an hour, then I need you to come home and get ready for dinner. Are you good with that? Wait for him to say yes, now he is in agreement with the terms. If he doesn’t comply when the time comes, then he loses the privilege on going back the next time.
Listen, I get it! My children used to go run and get under the bed at their friend’s house and wouldn’t come out, and I can even remember running and hiding from my mom, so take heart, you aren’t the first mom this has happened to.
Last thing, I used to tell my children, it is a privilege to go play at someone’s house, so if you can’t behave and mind me, then it will be taken away.
Question 2: My red won't go to bed! Every night is drama and terrorism via toddler. My daughter is a 2.5 year old red stubborn and wild little thing. In and out of the room with brother until he passes out (5 year old yellow and green). She has SUCH a hard time settling without naps.
Anyone have tips to calm a red child?? It is wasting the night away and I work PT from home. I love her but need time in quiet!
Karen’s Answer: If it were me, I would get super tough with her. I would tell her up front, this up and down, in and out is going to stop. With my children, if they got out of bed, they got in trouble. I mean, no water, no snacks, no needing to tell me one more thing at 9:00pm. I had a no tolerance policy when it came to bedtime.
The first week will be hard, she is going to test you and test you hard, so gear up for it. Get ready mom! But, after she realizes that you mean business she will start to comply. If you can separate the two for a while I would, even if the older brother starts off going to sleep in your room and then you transfer him when you go to bed, just until the 2.5 year old gets it down. Moms on Call has a great sleep training book for toddlers in their material. Get your mindset right, and stay consistent.
Question 3: How do you handle your toddler getting angry at their toys when things aren’t going their way? I usually let him figure it out himself but I don’t want him throwing and kicking toys out of anger. If I get at his level and give him a hug 9/10 times it diffuses his rage, but is this giving in? If he is tantruming over juice I still don’t give it to him, but I feel like leaving him alone somewhere makes him tantrum longer.
Karen’s Answer: I personally don’t think giving him a hug is excusing the situation. Keep in mind, he is a toddler, and he may not know what to do with his frustration or anger, so he yells and throws. When you are hugging him, tell him, “I know you are frustrated, but we don’t throw our toys. Let mommy help you”. Your job as a mom is to teach him, and what better way to teach than through love. Realize these little toddlers are like sponges learning every day. It’s normal they have tantrums, but they also have to learn what to do with those emotions. They will learn it the right way, but us moms have to teach it to them.
Question 4: My newly turned two year old has decided that running the opposite direction when we call her is the most fun game. It's driving my husband and me crazy. If we say it's Time for bed, time to change your diaper, pick up toys, put dishes in the sink...any of those things... boom, she's in the other room faster than we can finish the sentence.
We've tried counting (and giving a consequence if she doesn't obey), preventing (holding hand before asking so she can't run away), we’ve talked about it outside of the situation, making it fun (let's jump to bed). I know we get frustrated when she doesn't listen, and the obvious frustration makes it worse. But I'm honestly at a LOSS. What has helped you?
Karen’s Answer: Good idea of holding her hand before you give her the command, because if she starts to bolt, you’ve got her and she can’t go anywhere. It is a phase, and once you change the “game” that she has created, and it doesn’t work, she will move on. I know it’s a pain to have to remember to grab her hand every single time, but it will save you a lot of sprinting around the house. Also, you don’t want her to keep thinking it’s funny and one day she runs away from you at a store, or in a parking lot. Keep being creative and figure out what will work. It is always changing.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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